I stopped blogging and here’s why
13-year old me was hand-writing a murder mystery book in a binder that she stored in a safe spot in her room where no one could read it – and no one was allowed to even open it.
She dreamt of writing. Having a finished book that people loved.
But sadly for her, the book that was “inspired” by her favorite tv show was basically the same as an episode with like 3 details changed. So maybe that one should stay in the binder.
That 13-year old version of me would be so excited to know you’re reading this blog post right now. And she would be even more excited that we even started writing and publishing our blog posts a few years ago.
Then, she would ask me “wait, where are the 54 blog posts you published in the first year???” and I would have to tell her that I deleted them…
And I just know she would be so confused because why delete that much work??
Well that’s what happens when an offhand comment repeats in your mind for months.
My business started as a blog. I was so consistent for the first year because I was determined to become a full-time writer.
Throughout the first year, it was becoming easier to write. It felt fun and unlocked many things for me.
But then I stopped blogging and deleted all of my old posts.
Because of what a friend said to me.
We were talking on a call about our writing and somehow the conversation drifted to my blog. At the time, I was losing my momentum for blogging but still had my posts, and was explaining how I sooo wanted to get back to it.
Like getting back to weekly posts! About topics I loved. To carve out time in my schedule for writing and publishing.
And she told me she loved my blog “but I could tell you needed an editor”
Rude.
It felt like a punch to my gut. Like a message that my writing sucked and it wasn’t good enough for my friend so it wasn’t good enough for other people to read.
It felt like I had to stop blogging. And I did.
Now in my defense – I needed to take a break and find my true writing voice because those old posts were a different version of me. A version of me that was still scared to write as herself and be seen as herself.
If I re-read the posts now, I may not even want them out there!
But that wasn’t the point. It was that someone else thought they weren’t good enough. They weren’t perfect. They needed someone else to edit them for me.
That comment repeated in my mind for months.
On walks with my partner, I talked about that comment.
When I tried to plan for my blog, that comment came into my mind and all ideas died.
If I tried to write within google docs, the comment was in the back of my mind and the empty page in front of me started to taunt me.
I took it seriously and it pulled me from something I always loved. And for that, I must apologize to my 13-year old self that wrote in her room. Because she deserves for me to continue making time for my writing. And she deserves to have a record of how her writing has changed over the years.
It bothered me. It had me questioning if I should even try.
So, my blog stayed in limbo for many months, until I decided I wanted to write again.
And whenever I would ask myself “why am I procrastinating this blog revival? I want to do this!! Why can’t I get it together and start writing?”
The comment would linger in the back of my mind and I felt the gut punch all over again.
I realized it was holding me back and I needed to take the steam out of the comment.
I didn’t want to have a big conversation. I didn’t want to bring it up to my friend and hope she would say the right thing to make me feel like a deserving writer.
Because even if she apologized or told me I was the best writer ever, a part of me wouldn’t be able to let it go.
What I needed was to release the emotional reaction so it could be just a passing comment. And not be the defining factor of my worth as a writer.
So, I tapped on it. I used EFT to get focused on what that comment felt like hearing.
This is what that looked like:
Side of the hand:
Even though my friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though my friend said “I could tell you needed an editor” and I feel the punch in my gut, right here and now I’m okay
Even though my friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”, maybe I can have compassion for myself
Reminder phrases on the face points;
My friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”
This punch in my gut
My friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”
That was so rude
My friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”
My friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”
This feeling in my gut
My friend said “I could tell you needed an editor”
And after a few rounds of tapping on exactly what my friend said to me, it took the heat out of it. It was just a comment.
It’s not the defining moment of who I am as a writer. It’s not a law telling me I cannot write or publish on my blog.
EFT tapping helped me realize it’s a comment – I’m not in danger. It’s not an attack.
Want a refresher of what EFT Tapping is? Read this blog post to learn more.
And it opened me up to writing again.
For that, I’m grateful. My 13-year old self is hopefully dancing in her room to this idea of writing and feeling good about it – with letting people read it. Even if it’s not perfect. Even if someone may not like it.
Because it’s mine and it’s true to me. And that’s enough.
All this to say: If you have a comment floating in the back of your mind that makes you feel like you cannot be who you are or do what you love, please tap on it and let yourself see that it doesn't define you.
If you’re curious about using EFT for painful moments that are blocking you, find information about how to do EFT sessions with me. I’ll guide you through the tapping so you know exactly what to say to show your body that the comment can be in the past where it belongs.
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